Today I turn thirty three. As I sit in the basement at work, pumping in my windowless dungeon, I can’t help but to look back on the last year….and hold back the tears.
The last year was a bit of a whirlwind for me. Adelaide was born exactly one week after my thirty second birthday. Recovering from a third birth, and at a much older age than the last two, proved much harder than I could have imagined. This time around I found it hard to do anything. I almost passed out my first time out to the grocery store! I had to hire a lactation consultant because Adelaide wouldn’t latch on one side. And, I had the baby blues (not to be confused with the more serious postpartum depression).
But I also got to spend six months with my baby girl. AND, since I was home during part of the summer, I got time with Brody and Layla too! It was so nice having all three of my kids together so often. Once I was feeling better, about 3 months postpartum, I didn’t stop doing things.
We went to museums, parks, the beach, Disneyland. I spent time with old friends and got closer with new friends that I think are lifers (shout out to Jackie, Josh and Brianna). My bestie taught me how to crochet, and we started a business based on our shared love of the craft….which I can’t wait to unveil on 4.4.16!
Then, I went back to work. I struggled. A lot. Leaving Adelaide with strangers at a daycare was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I cried in my basement dungeon at work for MONTHS; the real reason why I never wore make-up. But I got through it. And I’ve done some really cool things since returning. Things I am so proud of. Things I tell Layla and Brody just to see the giant smiles on their faces. Because they’re proud of their mama.
This year was hard, happy and one not to be forgotten. I’m glad it’s over though. And looking forward to seeing what thirty three has to offer.
Like most 30 somethings my age, this morning we were left reeling after hearing the news that Scott Weiland of Stone Temple Pilots fame had passed away at the age of 48.
It was no secret that Scott had drug addiction problems, but of all the celebrity junkies out there, I was really rooting for Scott to get clean. He was such an amazing lyricist and front man. And the world will never know a new song by him. So depressing….
After I heard the news, the folks on The Woody Show over at ALT 98.7 here in Los Angeles played Scott’s songs all morning; the one morning I was grateful for The Show Killer’s 4 song an hour rule. They encouraged listeners to take to social media and share their favorite STP song. Because let’s face it. There are a lot of mind blowingly good songs to choose from.
As I thought back to them all, the one that constantly kept coming front of mind was “Lady Picture Show.” The lyrics, the music, the video. It has got to be one of my favorites. Definitely in my top 10 fave songs of all time.
I also love “Creep.” I mean, first it’s a great song. But I mostly love it because I introduced my mom to STP with that song. I must have been 15 or so when we were driving in the car and “Creep” came on. My mom mentioned that she liked it and asked if the singer used to be fat. You know, cuz he’s “half the man he used to be.” I just about died laughing.
I’m lucky enough to say that I had the pleasure of seeing Scott perform once about 6 or 7 years ago at the Hollywood Bowl. He seemed to be doing well, and at the moment, I believe was clean.
Scott Weiland and the Wildabouts perform at Cervantes on Feb. 24, 2015. Photos by Michael McGrath
He shared a beautiful moment on stage with his daughter that I will always remember. I will remember that part of him. The part that wanted to try. The part that didn’t give in; give up.
Scott, you will be missed and mourned by many. This is a final farewell to you. May you rest in peace.
I literally have no time for anything anymore since coming back to work. No time to write. No time to read. No time for a glass of wine. Etc. etc. etc. It’s why I haven’t been active on this blog in the last 2.5 months. My time is devoted to work, laundry, baby food, dirty diapers and children’s athletics. I love these things, but it’s draining.
I do miss the days of being able to curl up with a good book and glass of red wine. Getting lost in the pages.
I miss taking time to write out my frustrations and worries. So that they don’t get bottled up inside. Waiting for the pressure to release in a volcanic explosion.
I miss being able to drop everything so I can go to a last minute invite to a concert or play.
I miss taking time for myself.
And, most of all, I miss having time to sleep.
Kids are great, and I wouldn’t change anything about my life, but I do miss the little things sometimes. But mostly just sleep.
As I sit and read the last post I wrote, I feel discouraged. I can’t even take my own advice. Being a mom is awesome. But I haven’t taken care of myself too. I have been so focused on the needs of others (kids, work, husband), that I forgot my own. Hopefully two months from now, I’ll look back and be thankful I found some time for myself.
I am a working mom and these have been my confessions.